The Workings of a Man With Four Eyes

The Workings of Man With Four Eyes
and sometimes The Workings of a Man With Three Eyes when he squints,
that is, when he drinks,
or when his cigarette gets short.

The Launch 'er Man In Ya' funpage! tried to sue him.
But he showed them.
He poisoned their moderator.

The cigarette tax is going up?
He thought that'd already happened?
It's okay, it'll just make his withered lungs worth more, right?

When the man works he wears eyeglasses black.
When the man goes out he wears contact lenses.
When the man he sings he closes half his eyes.
And when the man sleeps he removes the other half.

The president is black?
The man doesn't care.
He has a T.V. that doesn't have color.

There's graffiti on the subway?
The man doesn't mind.
He likes to write abstracts for them and post them beneath.

Kids use curse words?
The man is supportive.
He curses right back with his outdated lingo.

Kids drive to fast?
Well the man can drive faster.
He takes drugs that help him think quickly.

The church is perverse?
Well the man is perverser.
In fact, he's the reason the church is still around.

The Musings of an Amputee:
A one armed girl
named Susan Marie.
At thirteen she was confirmed.
Her confirmation name was Susan.
She liked what she'd been named so much
she had herself named it again.

The Abuses of an Obtuse Orthodontist:
Novocaine
Laughing Gas
Rubber Bands
Breathing Masks

The Coercion of a Martian:
"We come in piece. Here try this. You like it? We call it coffee. Here we have some more on our ship. Come in, come in."
Kapow! [alternate endings: Zip!, Smoooch!, Toooot!, Beeeelch!, etc.]

Cheese Burger
a molded mass atop a ground pet

Ham Burger
the backs of the thighs between the cheeks of the buttocks

French Fry
a frizzler with a tendency to swear

For other options, check out are Menú
For those stuck on unisexuality, check out our Womenú as well

Hector the Heterosexual,
Homer the Homosexual,
Billy the Bisexual,
and Umberto the Unisexual,
and none of them seem to be having sex right now.
The man without glasses can help.

These are The Workings of a Man With Four Eyes:
一个人的工作有四只眼睛的
This is what his aura looks like:
气氛
This is what his belly button looks like:
传递ゆ
Literally, "Trades the wild rice to fight"
and when he does you know
- at least, by now you should know -
It is but the Workings of a Man With Four Eyes

He sees twice as much as you
and yet, he is blind.
He is the prophet of his day,
yet he cannot see the future,
he leads no group,
he is immoral,
and wrong,
and he is rooted in material,
i.e., he is only what he has typed.

Still, The Workings of A Man With Four Eyes
are apparent in you life,
should you look hard enough.

The dead tried to kill him.
But he killed them first.

The critics tried to critizize him.
But he never let them read his Workings.

They tried to tell a joke about him with Walker Texas Ranger.
But he couldn't remember his name, so the joke wasn't funny.

The Workings of a Man With Four Eyes